Thursday, March 26, 2009

Lust from the heart.

"Lust from the heart. Love from the mind."

A quote from a friend.

Lately, cute boys seems to be on the front of my mind. I don't know if I like my mind being that way :S I trust that I will know when the time is right and God will tell/show me who I am meant to spent my life with. It isn't bad to be really curious then is it? "Hmm. Might be him. Or him. Maybe that guy?"

Sad thing is, I always seem to pick the gay ones. Yesterday I concluded that I have an allergy to liking straight guys. Oh well. One day it will all work out ok.

I WANNA KNOW NOW!!! Please excuse my whiny teenage outburts :) but knowing seems so much simpler. Then again, I suppose not knowing is fun too... >.>

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Scars fade, as do the feelings.

On a slightly proud note, on Monday 16th March 2009 (two days ago) it was a year since I last self-harmed.

It feels good to be able to say, even though I only told Leah in reality. :)

The old man with $20

There is an elderly gentleman in my local community.
I don't know his name.
I don't know his story.
All I know is what he does everyday.

Every morning this man has a $20 note. Over the period of the day he goes from shop to shop in our local shopping complex changing this note for $10 notes then $5 notes and so on, until he has pockets full of silver coins.

You may have as many questions in your head as I do. Why does he do it? What happens to the silver coins? Where do the $20 notes come from? Does anyone else care? Why do I care?

The only one I can answer is the last. If you could see the smile on this man's face in the afternoon, as he is shuffling back up the road to the nursing home, you would know why. It's the kind of smile that just brightens your day. It's also the fact that this man does not seem to be at all interested in all the fancy things in the stores. He is absolutely over-the-moon to have changed his $20 note into silver coins.

I find it wonderful, to witness someone feel a real joy, not the kind of joy we all seem to buy with our little plastic cards.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

(Nobody needs to know it's only gold paint)

You know the days that start great but then end with your mind crashing into a wall, sliding down it, leaving a slimy brain-goo trail behind?

For me, today was one of them.

What upset me the most is that I got sulky. I suppose some might say I had the right to be, but the way I see it is that other people don't deserve my bad attitude that I start giving out when I'm sulky. Kara got alot of my 'tude during Biology, but she would back me up when I say that at the end of the lesson I tried to be perky and asked her a little too many questions about her day.

And to be completely honest, those 15 minutes spent trying to perk myself up, were probably the best minutes of my whole day. Even better than before (that). It was just too fun being annoying and asking silly questions about Kara's day, and the fact that she is so sweet that she just keeps answering them, because she knows I'm trying to be positive.
Thank you!!!!

My lesson for the day= Fake it 'til you make it. With marshmallow qualities, at least. Fake smiling leads to real smiling and you can cheer yourself up.