Friday, February 20, 2009

The worst days of my life.

Continuing on from last night's piece.

Deciding to become a Christian was easy for me. Very simple indeed. However, for a long time God was never my top priority and rarely even made it into the top 5. I believed but I didn't care all that much. Two events, one while I was 15 and one while I was 16, changed this.

On May 7th 2007, I came home from school and went about my usual afternoon routine of raiding the refrigerator. But when Dad came home my parents called my sisters and I to the dining room for a 'family meeting.' Because this does not happen very often in my home, I was immediately frightened.

Mum and Dad sat us down and told us that Mum had gone to the hospital week before, for some tests, and the doctors had confirmed a tumour in her brain. My parents calmly explained to us that it wasn't a cancerous tumour, but still a nasty one as its location meant that there was no way to remove it without killing her.

Because, in my family, we never discuss our feelings very openly I don't know how my sisters are coping with this. I assume that they are coping well. For me, it simply added to my already mountainous pile of 'burdens'.

At the beginning of last year a self-leadership program came to our school and I was involved in it. While it was fun to have an excuse to eat fast food and wear casual one day a week, by the end of the program I was thouroughly confused. I was beginning to hear from others around me that God should be my top priority, and this seemed sensible enough to me. However, the program I had been involved in taught that we were the most important things in our lives, in our universes.

So in my state of confusion and because I was becoming overwhelmed by my 'burdens', I broke down. I pushed those I cared about most far away from me in an attempt to cling to God with my all. This 'not-so-ingenious' plan didn't work though. I caused myself alot of hurt.

I am still patching some of the things I broke, but overall it was an important event in my life. It was during that period that I went to church for the first time (all alone and I rocked up an hour early, :P) and God did become my top priority, and now an hour doesn't pass without my thoughts falling into prayer, amazement or just general wondering. I am learning more and more about God/Christ (the same, but different, :S) as time goes on and it always makes me fall that bit more in love.

With Jesus Christ as my lifeboat, I am not a victim, but a survivor.

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