Playing tourist.

The other day I caught the bus into the city, to go do some shopping. While I was on the bus I started thinking about the other people on the bus. I pulled out my notebook and started writing some questions about the people on the bus. Questions that I'll never ask them, because they'll think I'm a bit strange.

The list of questions began to make me feel quite overwhelmed, because although I have no chance of ever answering them, God knows every individual inside and out and would be able to answer them all. I was like WOAH.

Here is my list of questions:

Where are they going?
Where are they coming from?
Do they make this trip often?
Do they want to be leaving where they've come from?
Do they want to be arriving where they're going?
What kind of music is coming from their headphones?
Is that music just background noise to them?
Are they in any physical discomfort right now?
What thoughts are going through their head right now?
(e.g. Why is that girl obsessively writing in her notebook? hehe)
Do they have children?
Step-children?
Grandchildren?
Wife/husband?
Girlfriend/boyfriend?
Do any of these passengers know each other?
Perhaps some awkward tension is going on right now?
What are their beliefs?
Where are they spiritually?
Are they comfortable with themselves?
Have I seen these people before, and don't remember them?
Will I see them again some time in the future?
Will I remember them then?
What are their dreams/aspirations?
What are they passionate about?
What are their eyes watching?
Are they taking in what they see?
Are they stressed?
Why are they stressed?
Glasses- are they long or short-sighted?
Choice of clothes- dependent on age, prefer styles?
What things are common between passengers?

Another one of my questions was 'Does that woman realise that the holes in her beanie make a smiley face?' But when 'she' got off of the bus I realised it was a man. OOPS! Which I suppose was me stereotyping long hair to women and short hair to men, but I can't really talk seeing as my hair is abut 2cm long :P

Uhoh. Do these people think I am just a strange boy dressed up like a girl?
(Why is that strange boy obsessively writing in a pink notebook?)

:P

Peppercorns

In life bad things happen. Christian or not, sometimes the world seems to be unfair. Physical, emotional, psychological, social, finacial. Sometimes it just all falls down.

I believe that God says what goes. I believe that, whatever His reasons may be, everything (good and bad) happens according to his plan. Our task is to stay strong in our faith in God and His plans for us, and when neccessary, to draw lessons from the situations and predicaments we find ourselves in and upset by.

Like when in scripture, Daniel questioned God's plans when his life started to 'fall apart', as we might say. God showed us that we do not know how or why things happen the way they do. We do not know why the sparrows fly the way do and we do not know why God puts us in the scenarios that He does. (Sorry... I could not find it in my bible. It is hiding! :P) We must just have faith that God is just and right and loves us, even when we get caught in not-so-nice things.

God also has his many ways of stimualting our minds. The thoughts of this blog came to me through eating a pie. I was at the cafe and was rather hungry, so I bought the last pie. I knew it was Steak and Green Peppercorn, but I assumed it would be like a normal pie. Boy, was I wrong. From the first bite my mouth felt like it was on fire and I could barely breathe. It was so bad I was crying. Through this I thought, 'God. Why did you let me buy this?' and then I realised. It was just a very simple lesson.

Johanna, your tongue does not like peppercorns. Do not eat them from now on. :]

Lust from the heart.

"Lust from the heart. Love from the mind."

A quote from a friend.

Lately, cute boys seems to be on the front of my mind. I don't know if I like my mind being that way :S I trust that I will know when the time is right and God will tell/show me who I am meant to spent my life with. It isn't bad to be really curious then is it? "Hmm. Might be him. Or him. Maybe that guy?"

Sad thing is, I always seem to pick the gay ones. Yesterday I concluded that I have an allergy to liking straight guys. Oh well. One day it will all work out ok.

I WANNA KNOW NOW!!! Please excuse my whiny teenage outburts :) but knowing seems so much simpler. Then again, I suppose not knowing is fun too... >.>

Scars fade, as do the feelings.

On a slightly proud note, on Monday 16th March 2009 (two days ago) it was a year since I last self-harmed.

It feels good to be able to say, even though I only told Leah in reality. :)

The old man with $20

There is an elderly gentleman in my local community.
I don't know his name.
I don't know his story.
All I know is what he does everyday.

Every morning this man has a $20 note. Over the period of the day he goes from shop to shop in our local shopping complex changing this note for $10 notes then $5 notes and so on, until he has pockets full of silver coins.

You may have as many questions in your head as I do. Why does he do it? What happens to the silver coins? Where do the $20 notes come from? Does anyone else care? Why do I care?

The only one I can answer is the last. If you could see the smile on this man's face in the afternoon, as he is shuffling back up the road to the nursing home, you would know why. It's the kind of smile that just brightens your day. It's also the fact that this man does not seem to be at all interested in all the fancy things in the stores. He is absolutely over-the-moon to have changed his $20 note into silver coins.

I find it wonderful, to witness someone feel a real joy, not the kind of joy we all seem to buy with our little plastic cards.

(Nobody needs to know it's only gold paint)

You know the days that start great but then end with your mind crashing into a wall, sliding down it, leaving a slimy brain-goo trail behind?

For me, today was one of them.

What upset me the most is that I got sulky. I suppose some might say I had the right to be, but the way I see it is that other people don't deserve my bad attitude that I start giving out when I'm sulky. Kara got alot of my 'tude during Biology, but she would back me up when I say that at the end of the lesson I tried to be perky and asked her a little too many questions about her day.

And to be completely honest, those 15 minutes spent trying to perk myself up, were probably the best minutes of my whole day. Even better than before (that). It was just too fun being annoying and asking silly questions about Kara's day, and the fact that she is so sweet that she just keeps answering them, because she knows I'm trying to be positive.
Thank you!!!!

My lesson for the day= Fake it 'til you make it. With marshmallow qualities, at least. Fake smiling leads to real smiling and you can cheer yourself up.

Mad

I do not like being mad.
I do not like it. Han I am.

But we don't always get what we want, and I am currently mad.
Much too long and too many intricate details to explain fully, but basically a friend of mine today very clearly expressed to me that he doesn't appreciate in the slightest what my family and I do for him. And by 'my family' I don't just mean my parents and I, because my grandparents help him out too.

I shouldn't be mad. I don't like the way it feels inside me and besides, anger gives me a headache. But sometimes, don't you want to just grab somebody by the shoulders and shake some sense into them? I shouldn't judge. I should get over this anger right now. But I won't.

[Slash sigh.] I suppose the only way to get over it is to consider that although I don't purposefully go around trying to irritate people, I must annoy someone out there. It puts into a different light when you think about it that way. Whoever it is that I annoy, if I ever found out who it was I would want to go and apologise to them. So I suppose that instead of listening to the words from my friend's mouth, I should listen to God. Because He and I both know that deep down somewhere in my friend, he cares about me a lot, and would apologise if I told him I was fuming.

*more relaxed now* My lesson for the day= Anger gets us nowhere, and when we get frustrated we can rely on God to take away the anger and fill us up with marshmallows instead.
[Marshmallows are my sillybilly metaphor for happiness/enthusiasm/love/strength (whatever it is we need)]